Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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