i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
