what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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