You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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