Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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