the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
