Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
