I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
