not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
