You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
