beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
