No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
