Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
