I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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