I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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