you guys were way drunker than both of me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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