return my video game
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
