I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
