Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
