forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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