He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
