We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
