just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
