her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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