we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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