Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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