Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
