my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
