I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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