If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
