Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
