i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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