is your mom at the bar?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
