I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
