he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
