i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
