Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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