My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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