I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
