batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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