Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
