hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
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