idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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