I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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