my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
