Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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