he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
