I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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