Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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