What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
